The next chapter.

As of June 15, 2021, the State of California has officially reopened. At one of my WFH meetings, I find out that the County and local restrictions have been lifted as well, to match the state’s.

And just like that, the Quarantine is over.

How do I feel as I type these words, marking the end of a 453-day quarantine? Relief, excitement. Tentative hope. An undercurrent of nervous energy and disbelief. Threaded throughout, a raw sense of loss.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to write every day of the Shelter in Place Order. I don’t know where this desire to record this terrible and bizarre year and a half came from. I know I will never forget it. I know I am ready to end it.

I greet this next chapter with grit in my eye, dragging these complex ideas and feelings with me.

What am I grateful for today?

This blog, and you, the reader.

Day 365: One year of Quarantine.

I took Wednesday off, just to use up some of those vacation hours slowly piling up. Sal has the day off too. He drops the kids off at preschool and we get some life admin stuff out of the way – budget and planning for stimulus check funds. At 11 a.m. we go for a drive to Sanborn County Park for a low-key hike in nature.

Sal and I wander around the nature trails in the park. We walk until we can no longer hear any cars. There’s water running in the creek beds. It’s a peaceful, trickling sound.

Hobbit hole

After our hike, we stop by a cafe in Saratoga and have lunch in their outdoor seating. Not a bad way to spend our Shelter in Place Anniversary.

What am I grateful for today?

I hit just shy of 10,000 steps on the FitBit today!

Day 364: The dividing line.

A few weeks ago, NPR featured a photo and story series capturing #TheMoment folks realized that their lives had changed last year. It is a rare and surreal experience, knowing the moment you’re in will become part of history. That feeling of a memory being etched into your bones, as you are living it.

For me, it was March 16, 2020, my last day in the office. Although it was clear by then that things were beginning to unravel, the Shelter in Place Order announcement of March 16 was that clear dividing line between Normal and Quarantine. I’ve been thinking a lot about that day.

So many things unraveled, so quickly, so completely. And we sat in the mess of that unraveling for so long. Looking back, I can see how we clung to those threads of “normal” in the beginning, in the wake of all that uncertainty. Trying to predict when that “normal” would return. Playing with the word itself, throwing “new” in front of it, trying that out for a while. A year later, I wonder if that word is still useful. Perhaps we should just let it go for a while, and dust it off whenever it fits comfortably again.

Today I peruse options for over-ear, built-in mic headphones to replace my earbuds for my virtual meetings. My kids break in and jump on the bed during one of my meetings and are herded out of the room. Sal and the preschooler make green Jello during the toddler’s nap. I work late, trying to catch up on tasks to prep for a day off tomorrow. Sal cuts the Jello with cookie cutters and we have green Jello animals for dessert.

Just another day in Quarantine.

What am I grateful for today?

Looking forward to a mid-week day off! Sal has the day off too. Perhaps we will take a hike in the redwoods.

Day 357: Looking back.

It’s next week – our Quarantine Anniversary. One year ago on March 17 was the first day of the Shelter in Place Order. How do we acknowledge the day? It’s the first of its kind, so I suppose we should do something.

I can recall the events leading up to the lockdown, but it’s like watching them through a filter: I am standing there, in the conference room, watching an empty podium. Soon Dr. Cody will walk up to it and make that historic announcement: the first COVID-19 Shelter In Place Order in the U.S., covering six San Francisco Bay Area counties. But I already know what she is going to announce, because a colleague has told me. I’m standing there frozen with my hand over my mouth, watching the empty podium.

Sal had the foresight to plan ahead, so we had supplies in a “Quarantine cabinet.” The prepping helped take the edge off, but it did not stop the fear. I remember that drive home, my desk supplies in the passenger seat, wondering if the radio would still work. That sense of surreal-ness growing. Sitting in the car and staring at the wall of our garage. What are we going to do?

The next morning, at 6 a.m. on March 17, 2020, I started this blog. I thought I would be writing it for three weeks, which was the length of the first Shelter in Place Order. Hard to imagine then, and now, how long those “three weeks” have been.

What am I grateful for today?

The vaccines.

Day 345: Happier hour.

Early in Shelter in Place, I organized a quasi-monthly Green Drinks via Zoom for my work colleagues. I kept it up for a while, but eventually the always-home kids / WFH / Quarantine life grew to be too much, and I stopped organizing the happy hours. I decided to host one this week, and it was a very different experience. Zoom has much improved since the early virtual happy hour days. The breakout rooms are more intuitive – participants can float in and out with ease. I’m also more skilled at setting up Zoom events, which helps. Also, we’re so used to seeing one another in little boxes on a screen, that it’s more natural to “hang out after work” this way.

To shake things up, I tried out a round of “One Gotta Go.” I worked on the variety of choices to appeal to different generational interests. Sal helped me put together some nice combos, including a Quarantine-culture conundrum: “Toilet Paper, Hand Sanitizer, or Alcohol.” It was fun and silly.

What am I grateful for today?

Tomorrow is my Friday off. I am looking forward to having a non-structured day.

Day 330: Seasoned Quarantiners.

Today I took a Zoom tea break with a friend I have not seen in a long time. We compared our months of Shelter in Place, how we navigated the early days, what the rhythm of life looks like now. How much McDonald’s and Disney+ has supported our survival as parents. Our failed attempts at camping out of desperation to leave our homes this summer.

What struck me after our chat is how far we have come from where we started. So much has changed. Little things remind me of just how much:

• My work colleague and I were chatting about audio issues with MS Teams, and I brought out my old over-ear headset with the aviator-style mic arm and had a laugh at them. In the beforetimes, I would break them out on the rare occasion I had a “video call,” which before Shelter in Place was really just an audio call, since my previous PC didn’t have a webcam. Didn’t have a webcam. More shocking – I didn’t need one. If for some bizarre reason I had to be on video, I would borrow a laptop with a camera from IT. By the time today is over, I have been on camera for hours. I log more on-camera time in a week than I did in 2019.
• When I started WFH last March, I was sensitive to the kids making Cameo appearances in my conference calls. No one blinks an eye now. I’ve seen many a cat tail pass by, dogs, lizards, and the occasional praying mantis.
• What was physical personal space is now a state of mind. I had a cardboard partition to block the view of my shoe caddy in those early sensitive days of WFH. Now, I consider making the bed sufficient effort. I add a tinge of blur filter to lend an air of professionalism, when required.

Though we are seasoned WFH survivalists now, I do miss in person hanging out. I miss spontaneous work lunches and popping by someone’s cube for a coffee run. I miss grabbing the occasional drink after work and celebratory dinners. Though these outings were rare as a parent of young kids, even those few bright social spots are gone.

What am I grateful for today?

A chance to catch up with a friend and laugh at ourselves.

Day 318: Acceptance, again.

Earlier this week, I was perusing masks at my favorite Etsy store, thinking about what our miniverse will need in the months ahead. I feel pensive today, peeking around the corner to the coming year. I realize how much I have pegged on the “one-year mark” of Shelter in Place. When we pass the mark, what is the next milestone on which we can tether our ambitions?

During the Acceptance Stage of Shelter in Place last year, we grew to realize that this was not a three week, or three month, Quarantine. We estimated about a year for the vaccine to roll out, and then some amount time after that, things would improve.

But how long is “some time after that?” Are we going to be in this for several months, or another year? Talk of the next phase is weaving into my conversations at work and at home. I sense we are converging on a second Acceptance Stage – Acceptance Stage 2.0, if you will. This time, though, the sting of fear of the uncertainty is noticeably missing. I greet Acceptance Stage 2.0 with weariness, yes, and with hope deferred. But also with a year of experience, and grit in my eye.

What am I grateful for today?

Attended a retirement Zoom for a work colleague. A lovely affair!

Day 317: FitBit steps.

During our weekly FaceTime chat, my friend in the Netherlands and I discuss FitBit steps. Since Shelter in Place started almost a year ago, we have both become more sedentary.

“It’s hard with the cold, and we try to limit our trips to get groceries,” my friend says. “Some days, I wasn’t even hitting the minimum 4,000 steps they say is necessary to avoid health problems.”

“Oh, man, 4,000?” I say. “Sometimes I don’t even hit 2,000!”

Early in Shelter in Place, many parks and beach access areas were closed. After parks started reopening, we definitely were more active. But then came the smoke and fires, shutting us back inside. Somewhere in the mix of all that, I broke a toe, then hurt my shoulder.

“They’re reasons,” I say, “but they’ve become excuses.”

My friend’s steps have gone up since she adopted a Quarantine dog. “It’s easy to get motivated for a walk when the alternative is a puddle of pee on your floor,” she laughs.

I realize my routine lacks a good excuse to walk. On the days the kids are home, Sal runs them around the neighborhood. Often their outings conflict with my meetings, so I don’t usually join them. I try to time my breaks for when the toddler takes a nap, to help with transition. This is a quieter, less active time, not conducive to walks. We brainstorm ways to squeeze more steps into my day.

“How about walking meetings?” she says. “I do that when there’s a meeting that I probably am not needed for, and I can just listen in.”

“Yeah, I could do more walking meetings.”

I feel motivated after our chat, and take one of my meetings on my iPhone for a walk around the block. It’s raining, cold, and windy, but I do it anyway. After work, I join the kids downstairs for their pre-dinner YouTube dance off. I’m rather pleased with myself with all this activity…until I check my FitBit: 3,700 steps. Not even hitting that 4,000 step floor!

If I was a caveperson, I’d be saber tooth tiger lunch in a hot second.

What am I grateful for today?

Just an ordinary, nice day.

Day 294: As you take your first steps.

This time last year, you were one year old and crawling. We took you to restaurants, Grandma’s house, and your aunts’ houses, and you crawled around everywhere. That was before everything shut down.

When you took your first steps, we were in the living room – your daddy, big brother, and me. We held our breath and counted – one, two, three, four! Your face lit up when we clapped, and you tried again and again.

Your walk became a swerving zombie run. Something in you just wanted to GO, before your sense of balance could catch up! Your run became a force of will, and you tried to dive over steps, into bushes, over any obstacle in your path. We hovered over you, behind you, in front of you, trying to keep those little feet steady and head upright.

We had a Zoom birthday party for you and propped you up on the table with the presents so all your family could watch. When you opened your little red car, you almost rode it off the kitchen table! After that, you didn’t want to get off. You ride that little car everywhere.

Today I watch you leave with your big brother for your first day of preschool. As you step out the door of our little condo, the universe expands. The sidewalk extends with every step, will keep extending as far as you want to go.

What am I grateful for today?

All went well today.

Day 292: January budget blues.

What a lovely winter holiday! Despite the hand wringing over our canceled plans and the Shelter in Place restrictions, we made the best of things. You can tell by looking at our December expenses…yikes! We hold a Budget Committee meeting during the toddler’s nap time.

“Look how much we spent on food,” I tell Sal. “How is that even possible? Our boys are tiny.”

Sal scrolls through my proposed budget for January in our Everydollar app. I’ve scaled everything way, way back. I cut our grocery allocation by 30% and attacked the Amazon line item with a chainsaw. He makes some final tweaks and gets the income to equal expenses.

I’m going to rip through our canned goods, freezer, etc. and take a scorched earth approach to food this month. With renewed budget fervor, I set an upper dollar limit for this week. I download the Safeway coupon app and stand in front of the grocery store in my mask scrolling through digital coupons to clip. Inside the store, I swipe back and forth between the Safeway and calculator apps. The Safeway app is not intuitive at all, but I manage to create the custom QR code with my coupons at the checkout line. Success – I’m $20 under my limit! It took longer to shop this way, but I feel good about it.

What am I grateful for today?

For our evening defrag, Sal found a scene of the the Seine in Paris to display on our TV, and audio of a river in the background. I made a little cheese board and cut up some bread to add to the ambiance.