“In a post-apocalyptic world, how would you justify your calorie intake?” A friend asks us one evening.
Used to be, I’d play this game with militia-type rednecks, martial arts junkies, and computer nerd friends. But this is not someone’s backyard barbeque in Southwestern Virginia over a few Budweisers. I’m in a London pub with two professional women, inventorying our survival skills over a pints of Guinness and cider.
The apocalypse – it’s quite the popular subject. And no small wonder – what with the financial crisis, rise in terrorism, growing civil unrest in the Middle East, not to mention the 2012 paranoia – fear of some looming disaster has been on our minds.
Maybe the apocalypse isn’t around the corner, but you may get this question at a party or something, so it’s best to be ready. Have a think about what you can offer your office colleagues if the **** hits the fan.
– Don’t bring up the survivor game if there’s a Norwegian or Icelandic person in the room. These people sprung up from freaking Vikings. Norwegians can cross-country ski from birth. Icelanders can hike volcanoes, eat shark, forage wild kelp and shoot lasers from their eyes.
– Ditto for rednecks and martial artists. You will totally lose.
– Do think low tech. So what if you can make the perfect Pivotchart in Excel. The Zombies won’t be impressed. Can you swing a bat?
– Having inventoried your skills, are you finding lots of gaps in your Apocalypse CV? Maybe it’s time to learn how to sew. Or tie a rope. Or shoot a shotgun.
– Don’t just think wilderness survival – the urban survival skills will be über important if you can’t run fast enough into the hills.
My Apocalypse CV would look something like this:
– Sewing, foraging for berries, climbing trees, and I can fit into tight spaces. Also I’ve shot a gun one or twice.
But my top survival skill is knowing lots of bad***es. I’m just gonna roll with that.