The Apocalypse CV

“In a post-apocalyptic world, how would you justify your calorie intake?”  A friend asks us one evening.

Used to be, I’d play this game with militia-type rednecks, martial arts junkies, and computer nerd friends.  But this is not someone’s backyard barbeque in Southwestern Virginia over a few Budweisers.   I’m in a London pub with two professional women, inventorying our survival skills over a pints of Guinness and cider.

The apocalypse – it’s quite the popular subject.  And no small wonder – what with the financial crisis, rise in terrorism, growing civil unrest in the Middle East, not to mention the 2012 paranoia – fear of some looming disaster has been on our minds.

Maybe the apocalypse isn’t around the corner, but you may get this question at a party or something, so it’s best to be ready.  Have a think about what you can offer your office colleagues if the **** hits the fan.

Some tips:

– Don’t bring up the survivor game if there’s a Norwegian or Icelandic person in the room.  These people sprung up from freaking Vikings.  Norwegians can cross-country ski from birth.  Icelanders can hike volcanoes, eat shark, forage wild kelp and shoot lasers from their eyes.

– Ditto for rednecks and martial artists.  You will totally lose.

– Do think low tech.  So what if you can make the perfect Pivotchart in Excel.  The Zombies won’t be impressed.  Can you swing a bat?

– Having inventoried your skills, are you finding lots of gaps in your Apocalypse CV?  Maybe it’s time to learn how to sew.  Or tie a rope.  Or shoot a shotgun.

– Don’t just think wilderness survival – the urban survival skills will be über important if you can’t run fast enough into the hills.

My Apocalypse CV would look something like this:

– Sewing, foraging for berries, climbing trees, and I can fit into tight spaces.  Also I’ve shot a gun one or twice.

But my top survival skill is knowing lots of bad***es.  I’m just gonna roll with that.

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3 responses to “The Apocalypse CV

  1. What–I’m the first one here? *looks around quickly* I prefer to justify my existence by doing my best to prevent the apocalypse. I mean, it’s all sexy and cool to be the next Katniss Everdeen, but hanging out with folks who care about our neighborhoods and share the produce of our gardens now, when we can build an alternative to driving our SUVS over the cliff, that’s my strategy.

    Go lemmings go!

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